Love

Love… a word often used by all of us, but few know the meaning of it. Love towards a person comes in different forms, you can love your mother, you can love your partner, you can love yourself, but the most special love is the one for your best friend. Or at least, that is the most beautiful kind of love for me. Me and my best friend have been through so much since we met that I can write a book with our story. But I will try my best to tell it to you in this post.

My best friend (let’s call him A) and I met almost 2 years ago. A friend of mine (let’s call her M) introduced him to me because she had a crush on him. I still remember the first time we looked in each other’s eyes… We started talking and one day M told me how much she liked him and wanted to know if he likes her too, so I asked him what she felt for her. He also said he kind of had feelings for her so I acted like Cupidon and brought them together. A and I continued talking, knowing each other better until we realized we are kind of becoming best friends. M was jealous and when I took A as my plus one to a party, with M’s permission, she came there and broke up with A because she thought there was more than friendship between us. She called me a whore, threatened me and turned everybody agains me, except A. We continued talking, sneaking out so we can see each other until M forgot all about him.

Me and A never got tired of each other, we were talking on the phone minimum 3 hours a day, hung out at least 4 times a week, it was the perfect platonic friendship. It was.. until I realized I was falling in love with him. He made me feel things I never felt before. He would put a smile on my face just by looking at me. He was there for me when no one else was. I loved him with every piece of my heart. And I knew he loved me too. We started flirting, being touchy-feely with each other, started making future plans together, we were inseparable. Our families tried to drift us apart, my mother wouldn’t let me hang out with him, his father even threatened him that he would kick him out of the house if he kept being friends with me. We chose each other instead of our own families.

The flirting continued as I was falling for him deeper and I decided it was time. I have to tell him about my feelings. He didn’t talk to me for a week and then, he sent me a long message where he told me he loved me but didn’t want to ruin the friendship. I understood and I was ready to get over him but the flitting got worse. Everybody thought we were a couple, we actually acted like one.

One time, I got really jealous when my cousin started flirting with him and he flirted back. After my cousin left, we had our first fight. I screamed at him, hit him, cried. He didn’t understand what was going on and he asked me what was the problem.

Me: “I don’t know what to think anymore. You make me lose my mind, all right?”

A: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Just pretend I never said anything…”

A: ” No! You tell me what the hell in going on!”

Me: “I love you with every piece of my heart, I can’t get you out of my mind and you don’t even give a fuck!”

Then silence. After 10 minutes of just looking at each other he took my hand and said: “Don’t you ever think that I don’t love you. That is the problem. I love you too much. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the one thing I am most afraid of. You will never stop being the most important person in my life, you will always have my heart and I know I will always have yours but we can’t be together. You know I bisexual and I have to be realist. I will never be committed to only one person. I can’t risk losing you forever.”

After that day, we got colder. We were talking on the phone less, we rarely hung out. In time, things got better. We came back to the perfect platonic relationship we had. But our sexual attraction never faded away. We would have gestures, jokes about us sleeping together. Until we actually did. 2 months we pretended we don’t remember because we were drunk. And one day, we finally talked about what happened.

We both realized the love we have for each other is a special kind of love that not many people have and and understand. A will always have a special place in my heart. I know now that the fantasy of me and him being in a romantic relationship is just that. A fantasy. The reality is that he is not the one I’m gonna marry, but he is my soulmate and this special love we have will never fade away.

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